I LOST MY ANGEL....

The turning point in my life..."I lost my angel"

I always felt blessed to have wonderful parents a loving elder sister great friends and a loving husband...but when my mom passed away last year in September my whole world shattered...I had lost the support system of my life.

She is the best ( I still can not refer to her in past tense)...more than a mom she was a friend. We treated her like of of the girls in our group...She was this chirpy nd bubbly woman who would love to sit wid me and my friends nd laugh at the gossip we had to share with each other...hehehe!!! I would alwayz scream at her to leave me nd my friends alone...she would and in no time she would be back to listen to our boyz talk... ;-)...nd then she would seem like one of the friends and we would continue with our talks...while she would be feeding us to death. lolz..!

My friends envied me as I had the coolest mom around...I still remember how she would smell of in winters...as I would often snuggle inside her shawl wen I would be cold...She would smell of roasted nuts particularly peanuts...coz on her way back home from the office she would alwayz had a pack of roasted peanuts inside her shawl for munching...When I started sleeping alone there were be nights when I felt this strange fear and I would go up to her room to sleep with her...widout her noticing I would get under her quilt and put my arms around her nd sleep while smelling the aroma of spices that came from her clothes from the dinner she cooked earlier that night...and in the morning she would be gone long before i would even wake up... :-)

Then tragedy struck and one day all of a sudden she was gone...even on her death bed she was thinking of me...and told my husband to go and check on me...She walked on her own to the doctor`s chamber not knowing that she wud never be able to walk out of the hospital on her feet...I carried her lifeless body all the way back home in the ambulance that was supposed to drop her home..."The home" that was the labour of her sweat nd love...she alwayz said "I want to die in my house". She lived in her house of her dreams for three years.

The whole family was devastated specially my elder sister...it took her a long time to come back to her senses...I was left all alone to take care of the people who would come to give condolence to us...I was the one talking to them and showing hospitality...di was still greiving and it started worrying me...everytime I would talk to her about mom she would start crying I turned up to my husband for support and everytime I would cry in front of him he would ask me to get strong as he had to leave India soon to come back to Dublin and he wanted me to get strong quickly I niether had time nor a companion to share my grief...!

I would like to share the poem that I got printed on her memorial card:

You can shed tears that she is gone,

Or you can Smile because she has lived.

Your heart can be empty because you cant see her,

Or you can be full of love that you shared wid her.

You can turn your back on tommorow and live yesterday,

Or you can be happy for tommorow because of yesterday.

U can remember her and only that she has gone,

Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

Or u can do what she wants,

Smile,Open your eyes,,Love and go on...................!

One month passed my husband went back...and me and my sister were left to take care of mom`s house and most importantly dad. I found solace in thinking that she is in a better place now away from worries and responsibilities her absence made all of us grow up overnight. I started spending a lot of time with my friends and concentrated on being happy. With them around I would forget all about my grief ..it was only when I would come back home that the reality would hit me...that "My angel is gone"....!